WHAT CANCER SOUNDS LIKE TO ME: PRIMAVERA BY LUDOVICO EINAUDI

One of my favorite parts of the movie The Holiday is when Miles turns to Iris at the piano and says that if she were a song, this would be her melody as he plays her the most beautiful ballad.

Talk about romance. But music isn't just the score that keeps the intensity of a movie's emotions going; music touches all the parts of our lives. I've found that it can help us work through difficult emotions and even heal the brokenhearted.

My grand piano was delivered on Thursday, and ever since then, I've had so much fun researching and downloading sheet music to bring to my teacher at my next class. Some Bach, some hymns and Primavera by Ludovico Einaudi, a new song to me that popped up in my YouTube suggested videos.

As I listened to the song, it grabbed me like a song hadn't done in some time, and I couldn't help but play it over and over again. Today, while I played it for the first time on the piano, I asked my husband, "Doesn't this song sound like me?" He agreed, and we both enjoyed the elegant, powerful story as my fingers played the notes, and a beautiful sound emerged to fill our room.

But there was more. Each time I practiced it, my heart broke a bit more until I found myself in tears, barely even able to see straight to continue playing. This song didn't just remind me of me, but my journey as a cancer patient.

Perhaps the journey of all cancer patients and perhaps the inevitable story of life in general, where things can change in a minute as we all go through ebbs and flows of disappointment and happiness.

In the beginning, the notes are smooth, with moments of whimsy and joy, building up to feelings of powerful chaos and then back again—but this time, with an underlying sadness and only occasional feelings of relief.

This reminds me so much of my cancer journey. Life seemed so beautiful, but after the diagnosis, the world seemed to be crumbling around me, the unknown, the finality of it all. However, as time goes on, through treatment, there is some healing, a reprieve, and a sense of normalcy that comes back in again, but this time with a bit more skepticism, as heard through the notes.

Then there are times that you forget you have cancer altogether but are quickly reminded again after you read about someone passing from the same type of cancer you have after just a year. Or, you can't help but have a feeling of dread at more treatments around the corner along with more side effects; all the while, you're just not feeling yourself.

Always longing for those simpler times before the cancer diagnosis. When life was like a melody written in a major key.

Cancer encompasses a wide range of emotions and is painfully powerful. However, it can also offer moments of beauty, closeness to loved ones, and a deeper relationship with Christ. It can also reveal a better understanding of who we are and what we want to accomplish here on Earth.

Intentional living at its finest. Just like the consistent baseline notes throughout the song.

I'm not sure what feelings Einaudi had when he wrote this song, but according to an interview on his website, it was inspired by a festival in the mountains and the feelings he felt surrounded by nature.

I could go on and on about the nuances heard and felt in this piece, but each of us interprets works of music differently. That is why music is so powerful. We can feel emotions from a piece, and it can help us grow and learn. If we truly let it, it can help us better understand ourselves.

Thank you, Einaudi, for your beautiful gifts of music to our world and for the way that it can help heal our emotions even during the most challenging trials.

Read about Ludovico Einaudi, Italian pianist and composer