DON'T QUIT BEFORE THE THREE MIRACLES: PART TWO

I thought this would be my last portrait photo taken a few weeks ago.

Perhaps even for a memorial photo. Never quit before the miracles.

"We're getting a kitten today," I proclaimed loudly as we got in the car to head off to my Oncologist this morning. This was my way of trying to add a silver lining to what would surely be one of the worst days of my life.

I got my CT Scan back a few days prior, and while the new growth tumors on my liver had receded and the main one had stayed the same, I have a cyst, which is now 20% bigger and charted as "large," the size of a chicken egg, in my ovary. Something my doctor had said must be cancerous in the last visit six weeks ago because what else could it be at my age (cysts don't typically present themselves in ovaries after menopause).

I prepared for the worst, and my code word for hospice is now "kitten." You see, in my 20s, we adopted two of the most beautiful kittens I'd ever seen from the humane society. Minette was a long-haired beauty who acted like a princess, even as a kit. And GSXR (pronounced Jixer after my husband's then favorite motorcycle). GSXR was a sweet, short-haired boy with lots of spunk, who Minette pretended to tolerate, but deep down, she loved dearly.

After four months of pure joy with these two, I became deathly allergic and couldn't breathe. I begged my allergist to do animal shots, but they weren't an option back in the late 90s. So we found them a great home and I've thought of them and missed them ever since. And I found out that my allergies didn't develop until they went into puberty. Strange, but I've also seen it with dogs, too, over the years.

So, when I tell you we're getting a kitten in the future, you'll know I'll be starting hospice, which is typically less than three months to live for a cancer patient with my aggressive type of cancer. I'll get my dream of owning a cat, even if for a short time, and my husband will be left with a companion.

Now, back to the miracles.

I'd never felt so much fear; is this what anxiety attacks feel like? I felt like I was going to throw up in that waiting room, and my blood pressure was high, and oxygen was lower than usual, even after taking my asthma spray. The doctor walked in and I honestly almost fainted. But he had a smile on his face, and he let me talk. I told him how I was excited to see my liver tumor growth reduced and my CEA numbers went back to normal, but I was concerned with the ovarian cyst and realized the cancer might be growing there.

He quickly said, I now don't think it is related to the cancer, but we still need to get it checked out and I'm going to send you to a Gynecology specialist. MAYBE IT'S NOT RELATED TO CANCER? IS THIS REAL? He went on to say he was very pleased with the results of the Enhertu and that we'll keep going on the treatment. Complete with more smiles and what I could tell was a sigh of relief as much on his end as on mine. Have I told you lately how amazing this man is?

Miracle number three. And oh, what a miracle. Just that morning, I was reminded of my intentional prayers from last week. And being specific in those prayers. And reminding God of my needs, not because He forgets, but because we too, need to be reminded of what God has promised.

Dear Lord, I pray to be here to see my husband through his difficult times living with a disability. To use the gifts that you have given me to help others and to help point people to you so they can also be saved through your grace. I have so much more work to do here helping my friends and neighbors, plus those in need in my community, and if it is your will, I ask for more time here on Earth. In Jesus' name, Diana.

Click here to read Rick Warren's article on ways to pray effectively.

And the other miracles? The first was when I was allowed to start my immunotherapy treatment, a far less aggressive treatment, despite not going on chemo first (an FDA requirement). Remember, I was ready to start hospice at home a year ago because, after much prayer and discussion with those I trust, plus wise advice from my surgeon who diagnosed me, I felt that chemo wasn't the right answer for me.

Miraculously, I was able to start the immunotherapy (and have it paid for by insurance), which performed far better than the chemo would have for eight months and also allowed me to get my ostomy reversal surgery (miracle two) last July. Something that wouldn't have been possible on chemo, and something that has given me an amazingly better quality of life.

So, I'll leave this with you as it's something I've pondered often this last month and kept close to my heart. "Hope doesn't come from trying harder, but from trusting deeper. God wants you to remember this truth and to continually turn back to him because he is the one who gives you strength to soar." - Rick Warren.

Thank you all for being part of my story and for helping me be brave enough to share it. And please keep me in your prayers as I find out what my crazy ovary is up to in the coming weeks. And if you have a prayer request, please let me know. I am here for you. ohwondrousgrace-hello@yahoo.com

And for when my brain is so fuzzy from the chemo that I can barely read or write, I sing my praises to the Lord.