I'M GOING BACK UNDER THE KNIFE ON FRIDAY

 

It's been a week of roller coaster emotions, first with a "we'll see," and then, let's do another surgery in three days.

"Tell me what you really think; I trust you completely, " I looked at him, my eyes widening and my heart starting to beat faster at the thought of it all. I felt myself trying to catch my breath and looked over at the chair next to me, making sure my purse was nearby in case I needed my asthma inhaler.

"I can't think of one good reason not to do the surgery," said my surgeon, who I'm convinced has to be an angel here on earth. "We don't do this for metastatic cancer patients, but in this case, I think we should go for it."

To most, it might just sound like another surgery, but to me, it is special—a miracle, even. It's special because I'm still here, and my life (or my death, rather) isn't just a foregone conclusion; it's worth fighting for. And special because it is an unexpected blessing and gift from God.

The hospital was booked, I signed the consent forms, and just like that, my surgery was scheduled in three days. I didn't have time to let the fear creep in; that came the next day. But, I knew deep in my heart that this was the right next step to allow me to live with less pain while experiencing more of a normal life. A life without an ostomy bag and the painful, protruding lump that seemed to be getting larger by the day on my stomach due to my hernia. And did I tell you about the pain? It was wearing on me more and more each day, preventing me from getting off the couch and greatly affecting my sleep.

This is going to be good. And again, this is a miracle! As the surgeon said, they don't do reversal surgeries like this with people in my later stage of cancer, but my numbers have been so good, and I have a true need to remove my hernia. Thank goodness I opted not to do chemo because my body wouldn't be in a position to be able to handle this surgery. I am grateful to God for His guidance through this all. It's amazing what He provides for us in difficult times when we put our trust in Him.

So, today, I got prepared. I packed a bag for the hospital with a mini toothbrush and toothpaste and Charmin toilet paper, you know, the extra soft kind, as I hear you go a lot after an ostomy reversal surgery. Plus, some diapers and diaper rash cream, a recommendation from a YouTube video I had seen on the reversal. It's better to be safe than sorry. I also bought some magazines at the grocery store, including Southern Lady (one of my favorites) and a magazine about chickens. Chickens are cute, and I thought that reading about them might lift my spirits in the hospital. My husband agreed.

I also did some food prep, such as buying lots of low-fiber food for after my surgery, like white bread and cream of wheat, plus lots of jello and popsicles for my day of clear liquids tomorrow before I go the following day for surgery.

Finally, I prepared some food and put it in the freezer, including the Green Chili Egg Bake recipe I made for my recent brunch and my apple dumpling oatmeal bake. Better to be prepared, as my husband isn't much of a cook, and the last time around, fast food and take out meals got old quick.