(NOT) A POSTER CHILD FOR BALD HEADS

 

Today marks Day 10 of my new Enhertu treatment, and let me tell you, it has been odd, painful, scary, and downright miserable, to say the least. Constant headaches, painful inflammation, sheer exhaustion, a nose that drips at will now, and did I tell you I'm going to lose my hair?

At least I didn't end up back at the cancer center or in the hospital in extreme shape, as 50% of their patients do... a statistic that I was told only after I asked about it several times and only answered moments before I was led to the infusion room. No runners today, Diana, thank you very much. And while I kid, they know me too well. But they want this to work as much as I do. They offer this treatment to keep me alive, so I'm grateful.

I'm told that the future infusions will improve, so there's that. And I'm also told after treatment 2, your hair typically falls out.

And here I am now, three weeks after I started to write this blog post (yes, time flies when you're having chemo, too!), and my hair is mostly gone.

But God has blessed me with a second treatment that was significantly better. No aches and pains, and no nose drip. Just tired, oh so tired. I think I slept for about 4 days straight and if you know me, I'm the type of person who has a perfectly organized house at all times. But as I look around today there are stacks of mail on the counter, dishes in the sink, and a kitchen floor that is in need of mopping.

And that is OK because I know that tomorrow I should be feeling back to normal, and I can get on with my life and do all the things that bring me joy, like playing my piano.

I've got a system now, and I have to remember that out of every three weeks, I'll likely spend one down, so I can prepare for that in the future.

Now, back to the hair. After my first treatment, it all started to come out... in clumps. I'm not sure how to explain my feelings on it all. There were tears, for sure, but I kept thinking of my father and my brother when they enlisted in the military and had their head shaved to go off to battle. We were all in for a fight, and this fight, my friends, was also a fight for my life.

But this new hardship won't involve me showing off my bald head like you see so many of those doing on social media. My husband even said he'd shave his head in solidarity. Sweet, but no one besides us will know I have no hair, as I will wear my wigs whenever I'm out of the house.

Before my second surgery, I wore a scarf over my very thin hair and I got looks. Looks of sadness, looks of shock, and a reminder that I will be wearing a wig to every possible place outside of my home because I don't want to feel that way again.

The stigma is there, and I wish it weren't, but a bald head on a woman is associated with sickness. And putting on a turban or scarf almost always screams "I have cancer" more.

Some ladies express feelings of shame. I'm so sorry cancer patients have to feel that we did something wrong in this equation and believe me, I've heard some doozies as to why I have cancer.

Besides, I don't want to be a poster child for the bald, no matter how beautiful you all are, hair or no hair.

I want to be a poster child for Jesus. Something that lasts and something that is based on the heart and soul of it all, not just the fleeting exterior, anyways.

I read in my daily email devotional from Anne Graham Lotz this morning to "Go and Tell." Go and tell people of the miracles and blessings of Jesus in your life to help them also seek Jesus. There are so many in my life, even in the face of cancer. Many that you've read about in my past posts, but so many more because by trusting in God each and every day and continuing to follow His will for my life, I've consciously put myself in situations that would have never happened had I just been feeling sorry for myself, bald head and all, on the couch.

Relationships have been formed, service has been done and so many in my life (mainly us) have grown closer to God because of it.

An example?

We've always been a close-knit neighborhood and waved at one of our neighbors as they walked their dog by us each day, for years. We knew bits and pieces of their lives from quick interactions and we'd even see them at church and would say hello and catch up. I ended up being bold and inviting them over for a dinner party a little over a year ago and it was fun to finally get to know them better.

Then, when his wife got Alzheimer's Disease, we were able to be there for them in a deeper way. We helped them make care decisions because we had gone through the past caregiving experience with my folks. Then, during Helene, they lost power and I was able to bring them hot meals throughout and we really got to know them. The level of care for each other grew even more.

Months later, his wife had to go into an assisted living facility and is now on hospice. We invited him over for some meals, and he even drove us to chemo this last round due to the ice, and his car was better able to handle it. We've been there for each other, which has been such a blessing. And now, he and my husband have a weekly Bible study at his house. My husband had been praying for something like this and how amazing that God orchestrated this type of friendship. Two men who are both going through such difficult situations with their wives who can lean into God together and lean on each other- for the long haul.

All because we invited him and his wife over for a dinner party over a year ago, which took us from neighborly hellos while passing by to I know you, I care about you, and I'm here for you for a lifetime.

Hospitality can change lives. And being obedient to God's Word leads to blessings.

And did I tell you lately, I LOVE JESUS!!! Beep. Beep.