SPECIAL GRACE THROUGH SUFFERING FROM THE HOLY SPIRIT

Most of us know the verse in Isaiah about mounting up with wings like eagles. It's a favorite of mine, and I even had our family pastor speak about it at my dad's memorial service, right before the bagpipes solemnly played Amazing Grace.

"But those that wait on the Lord will renew their strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles; they will run and not be weary; they will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

This was the verse that got me through more of the regular stresses throughout my life. Studying for finals. Making it through some financial hard times, like a layoff when the company shut down due to the owner's poor financial decisions, which also led to me losing my dream job. And even marital stress. Those times in my marriage when I didn't think I had the strength to make it through some of the difficulties that come with all marriages. It was even a key verse to help me through six years of full-time caregiving for my parents, who both had Alzheimer's.

It's a verse that applies to so many things that we go through in life. And mainly a verse of hope.

I mean, really, can you imagine the feeling of soaring like an eagle? The weightlessness, the freedom, the moment where all the gunk of life that mucks up our good intentions gets released, and we feel so light we could practically float off the ground. 

And running without being weary and walking so long without the worry of fainting? This reminds me of the feeling I got when I was young and my church youth group backpacked through Yosemite. Tired, needing a shower (where is the nearest lake?), and looking ahead, all we saw were more switchbacks. We never thought we'd reach the top, but oh, the sweetness when we did. Muscles so weak they felt like jello and a good kind of tired. A tiredness all mixed up in a place of peace as we look down from the mountain over God's beautiful creation.

These are the feelings that I think of when I read how the Lord cares for us when we not only trust Him but also open our arms... wide... and say, "Lord, I can do all things through you, who strengthens me."

But it doesn't stop there. I didn't realize that just two verses before this beloved verse are words from the Lord that have profoundly changed the way that I look at my journey as a cancer patient. A journey of suffering that I couldn't have comprehended would be so difficult. I now have an understanding that I never quite had, even as a lifelong Christian.

Cancer will do that to you. And God will reveal His truths to you if you spend time in His Word.

"He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength." -Isaiah 40:29

Wow. Just wow. This last year I've surely been faint, with very little might. Chemo and all the emotions and stress that come with constant treatments while facing death will do that to you.

I recently came upon this verse while reading Shane Pruitt's book 9 Common Lies Christians Believe and Why God's Truth is Infinitely Better. I didn't expect this book to have so much cancer talk in it, but it's like when you are thinking about buying a red car and then all of a sudden you notice red cars everywhere you go. Well, that and this book came to me at just the right time, when I needed it most, which is a gift from God in my book.

Pruitt wrote, "I believe the Holy Spirit gives people going through extreme suffering a special grace that extends them a hope, peace and confidence that goes well beyond their natural abilities." as he relayed the story of a friend who had recently lost his wife to cancer, and not long after, his son also to cancer.

I often think of the moment I was told I had cancer. I was alone in the hospital bed, as my husband hadn't gotten there yet, since I had told him there was no need to wait with me in the ER for those long hours, since it was surely food poisoning (I wish!).

The surgeon came in with a tension on his face and sadness in his eyes and reached for my hand. I knew the CT scan had an "abnormality," but I wasn't prepared for what came next.

To this day, I still wonder if my surgeon was really an angel due to his compassion and his kind words. He continued to hold my hand tightly as if he wanted to try to take away my pain, and told me I have cancer and a tumor in my colon the size of a baseball. He also told me it had spread to my liver, so it is stage 4 cancer. A cancer with no cure and a prognosis of less than a year, if that.

And then, just like the verse said, the Holy Spirit was there for me in a way I'd never experienced. And what happened next was a feeling that I can still barely describe. An unearthly feeling. A feeling that could have only come from the Holy Spirit.

A joy and a hope and a confidence that went way beyond my natural ability. An intense feeling of freedom and strength washed over my entire body and I said to myself, while tears of happiness welled up in my eyes...

"I get to meet Jesus soon."